Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
