Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
