Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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