To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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