is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
