I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
