I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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