i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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