My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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