I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Couch. On fire.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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