So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
