it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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