His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
