he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
