Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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