I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
