i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
