Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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