Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
