if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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