Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
