last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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