I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
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I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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