Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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