thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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