i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
