I accidentally had phone sex last night
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
