everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
