Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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