so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
