i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
