I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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