I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
