The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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