we made out on top of his cat.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
