my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
