so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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