Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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