my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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