Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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