I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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