he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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