CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
