instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
