where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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