just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
