good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
