$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
