i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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