He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
