this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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