I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
