so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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