Little spoons don't ask big questions
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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