That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
