I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
