And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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