just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
