If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
