I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
