It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
